


Good(e) Girl

by glitterbee



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, WKTD AU, gigi centric fic for once, gigi is a repressed gay, theres like brief jaida/gigi ??? but not enough to warrant a tag lmao, this is yearny asf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterbee/pseuds/glitterbee
Summary: There were girls before Crystal of course. Girls in her cheerleading team that held their hair high in ponytails, swinging hypnotically from side to side, almost like they were luring Gigi in with a spell. The girl in her Sunday School with the kind brown eyes and smile as bright as the sun. The girls who gossiped about her in biology, their spiteful words masked behind voices as sweet as honey. The girls who planted the seeds of doubt and confusion in the back of her throat.But Crystal was different.Crystal was a summer love story and an identity crisis all wrapped together in a bright bow. She was the desperate need to be held mixed with the fear of being vulnerable. She was the question but she was also the answer.No matter how many times Gigi would snap the elastic band against her wrist, the sting burning into her skin, she couldn’t stop thinking about Crystal.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	Good(e) Girl

Gigi often wondered if being good was based on intent or merit. 

She hoped and prayed it was intent. 

Everyone was watching her. Evaluating. The eyes of her peers, the eyes of her neighbours, and the eyes of God. Her parents tell her to be mindful, so she does. She knows that everyone is watching her, high up on her pedestal. If she slips they will watch her fall.

So she became an actress and takes on the role of the good girl, the good student, the good daughter. She was polite, she did her homework and she went to church. She tried her best in school despite her struggles and took on cheerleading to fill up her schedule. She volunteered at Sunday School, passing out the pamphlets that spoke about God’s watchful eye, ignoring the way the words burned her skin and caused her throat to go dry. 

Gigi was a good girl, you could ask anyone who knew her and they would agree. Her parents were proud of her. Teachers loved her. The pastor would use her as an example for the younger children. Her peers would judge and sneer at her, whispering behind her back, calling her ‘stuck-up’ or a ‘teacher’s pet.’

Gigi was a good girl.

But did it count if you didn’t really mean it?

When she turned thirteen her mother sat her down and told her that she was a woman now. Her mother stroked her hair and told her that her body was changing, that she must now bear the Original Sin. When Eve bit into the apple she betrayed God, and the burden of her guilt must be borne by all her daughters. Gigi wanted to cry and scream. Why did she have to suffer for a mistake she didn’t even make? Why did she have to grow up so soon when she still didn’t even know who she was? It wasn’t fair. 

But Gigi stayed quiet and nodded along to her mother’s words. Good girls didn’t talk back. 

True to her mother’s words her body did begin to change. She grew taller and her long blonde hair flew past her shoulders, shaping her face like a halo. She didn’t have much in terms of breasts or curves, but her long legs were well-defined from years of cheer. She has a pretty face and boys begin to notice her. She didn’t notice them. 

Her parents warn her about boys. They remind her to never touch, to never give in to temptation. She cannot be led astray, for if she does she will fall into sin. 

“You shouldn’t touch other people Genevieve,” her father would tell her, “Do not allow the Spirit of Fornication into your heart.”

Gigi understood, she was a good girl after all. Ignoring advances from boys was easy. She endured the way they would stare and leer at her, the way they would call her a ‘prude’ whenever she rejected their advances. She didn’t give seduction a moment’s notice. It’s easy to ignore it when boys don’t tempt her at all. She knows not to touch, not to be touched. She was weak and oh so delicate, a single touch could truly break her, shattering her into tiny pieces. 

“Sins of the flesh,” is what the pastor called them. The heavens were ethereal and beautiful, whereas bodies were malleable, ugly and ductile. 

Yet, despite this, Gigi could feel the storm inside of her. It brewed, ready to bellow out and take all in its’ wake. There were black storm clouds inside of her, ready to cast all in a premature twilight. There was humidity in her heart, heavy and suffocating. She could feel the thunder crying out, the lightning ready to strike. She wanted to  _ touch,  _ she wanted to be  _ touched.  _

But Gigi was a good girl, so she kept her hands to herself. 

-

It was a simple Sunday School outing to the fields for a picnic. The sun warmed Gigi’s skin like a kiss from spring itself. She could feel the grass beneath her feet, ditching her shoes a while ago so they wouldn’t get messed up from the mud. The sweet fragrance of violets and buttercups overwhelmed her senses as she listened to the Pastor retell stories from the bible she had already heard a million times before. The younger children giggled and chatted amongst themselves, sharing out sandwiches and apple pie. 

There was a girl from another church around Gigi’s age there too. Her name was Jaida. She was sprawled out on the grass, her long brown locks fanned out behind her. The sunlight shines on her, causing her dark skin to glow. She has been basking in the sun for a while, her eyes opening and closing from time to time, allowing her eyelashes to flutter like the wings of a butterfly. 

She smiles lazily at Gigi and she feels her chest tighten like a snake has curled around her ribcage, squeezing tightly. It’s the snake from the story of Eve, whispering sweet nothings into Gigi’s ear, telling her to give in to the temptation. 

Jaida’s hands are splayed out on the ground, open. Hands are for holding, touching, and caressing. She thinks about how easy it would be to take the girl’s hand in her own. 

_ “Sins of the flesh, sins of the flesh, sins of the flesh,”  _ She repeated to herself in her head like a mantra. Like a prayer. 

Good girls didn’t touch and Gigi was a good girl. 

-

There were words for girls who had thoughts like Gigi.  _ Deviants. Sinners. Aberrants.  _ Gigi knew deep down that she was wicked. No good girl had as many impure thoughts as she did. A girl would brush her hand against hers in school and Gigi felt butterflies fill up her stomach, their wings flapping erratically inside her. Her skin was lonely. She often fell asleep, wrapping herself deeply in her thick blankets wishing they were arms. 

Good girls didn’t want to be held like she did. Good girls didn’t want to touch and be touched like she did. 

She becomes obsessed with her appearance, obsessed with the idea of beauty. She knew inside she was corrupt and impure, thoughts of girls staining her skin like black ink. She curled her hair and painted her face with makeup. She hoped the pink lipstick would be enough of a distraction so no one could see what she really looked like on the inside. Her clothes were carefully selected. Dresses and skirts that made her look as pretty and delicate as a doll. If she couldn't be beautiful on the inside then she would compensate with her outside appearance. 

The most important piece is an elastic band, worn just above her wrist. Whenever she thinks impure thoughts, she snaps the band against her arm, the strike causing her soft skin to go red in thin lines. Thoughts of girls are quickly replaced with the sensation of pain, the stinging a reminder of her sins. 

Gigi would be a good girl even if it killed her. 

-

All eyes were on her when Gigi finally fell from her shiny pedestal, not a single soul willing to help catch her. 

Gigi hadn’t been careful enough and the facade she had held up for so long had been shattered. Everyone knew she was a bad girl now and all it took was one stupid mistake. 

She didn’t even know the other girl’s name. She had been too drunk on watered-down beer and wine coolers to take notice. She didn’t even  _ want  _ to go to the party but the other girls on the cheer team had begged and pleaded for her to come along and she had relented. 

Gigi remembered how her mother would say that humans made alcohol but the devil gave them the idea. However, that thought was quickly replaced by the burning sensation of booze flowing down her throat, a pleasant buzz quickly overtaking her body. 

She had been reckless. She danced clumsily with a girl from her math class, her blonde hair flopping about as she tried to keep up with the pretty girl with hair as dark as ink. The girl stared at her with piercing blue eyes and Gigi could feel her breath hitch. Before she knew it, the girl had captured her, hands gripped on her waist, and the tickle of a warm breath on her neck. 

Everyone was watching but Gigi didn’t  _ care.  _ She allowed her hands to wander and touch. She felt a sense of euphoria build up inside of her as her hands explored the girl’s body. 

It wasn’t until the next day that she had realised what she had done. She snapped the elastic band around her wrist so hard that it broke. 

Her mother cried when she had found out what had happened. Her father said nothing, staring blankly at Gigi, the disappointment evident on his face. 

It was the pastor that recommended the Summer Scouts. A reform camp where she could stay over the summer to heal herself from sin. A way of cleansing. Her parents agreed that it was the best option to cure their sick child. Gigi had no reason not to believe them. 

After all, Gigi was not a good girl, but she could try to be. 

-

The Summer Scouts sucked. The cabins were stuffy, the beds were gross, and the food was even worse. The counsellors only sang songs about Jesus and they treated all of them like five-year olds. Gigi felt, looked and smelt disgusting due to being drenched in sunscreen, bug spray, and incense. Despite how awful it was, Gigi tried to keep on a brave smile. It was easier to laugh than cry. The devil was behind her and every annoyance of summer was nipping at her heels. 

Gigi was pretty sure she was the only person in the camp who had chosen to be there voluntarily. No one wanted to be there, not even the counsellors preaching about the bible. This was a place for misbehaved teenagers to work and attempt to become closer with God. The camp was for the  _ bad  _ kids. The kids no one wanted. The kids that had sinned, leaving their parents in tears. The kids that society shunned and punished. 

Gigi knew she belonged there. 

She couldn’t wait till the next week when she would be back home in her own bed. Home wasn’t a lot better than camp, but at least at home she wouldn’t have to think about what she does or doesn’t deserve, and she could leave the cleaning up the devil to someone else. 

The worst part of camp was Crystal. A girl, only a year older than Gigi, with bright curly red hair that fell just above her shoulders. Crystal was the complete opposite of Gigi. Whilst Gigi spent her life trying to please other people and build up a clean reputation, Crystal couldn’t care less about any of that. Crystal was a hurricane mixed in with a glitter bomb, spreading chaos everywhere she went. She knew who she was and she was proud, unwilling to let the camp break her down. She was Gigi’s campmate and closest friend at the camp. 

Crystal plagued her thoughts every night, causing bile to reside permanently in her stomach. 

There were girls before Crystal of course. Girls in her cheerleading team that held their hair high in ponytails, swinging hypnotically from side to side, almost like they were luring Gigi in with a spell. The girl in her Sunday School with the kind brown eyes and smile as bright as the sun. The girls who gossiped about her in biology, their spiteful words masked behind voices as sweet as honey. The girls who planted the seeds of doubt and confusion in the back of her throat. 

But Crystal was different. 

Crystal was a summer love story and an identity crisis all wrapped together in a bright bow. She was the desperate need to be held mixed with the fear of being vulnerable. She was the question but she was also the answer. 

No matter how many times Gigi would snap the elastic band against her wrist, the sting burning into her skin, she couldn’t stop thinking about Crystal. 

-

“Hey there, Group West,” The Bonfire Captain said, his voice sickly sweet like cough medicine, “Feel like meeting the devil tonight?”

Gigi gulped. Crystal just snorted. 

She knew that their time was coming. Gigi and Crystal were the only group who hadn’t gone to the cabin yet. She had prayed that maybe they would be able to sneak by until the last week without ever having to stay there. However, she was wrong. 

The two girls did their duties for the night, packed up their few belongings, and made their way through the woods to the cabin where the devil laid in wait. Crystal didn't seem bothered by their situation, making small talk and cracking jokes with Gigi. 

Gigi found it difficult to join in with Crystal’s nonchalant attitude, her stomach twisting and turning in knots. 

The road to the cabin led through the woods. It wasn’t too far from the cabin, it was just extremely well hidden in the trees. It wasn’t too hard to find though, all they had to do was follow the sirens to where they were covered in vines and where the lights didn’t work well anymore. Leaves and twigs cracked beneath their feet as they made their way deeper into the forest.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the cabin. It was crouched low into the forest, almost like it was trying to hide. It was made of dark, old wood, so old and poor that it was a miracle that it had not collapsed yet. The roof was flat with a rafter structure and was covered in vines. Behind the cabin, there were some weird shacks in the clearing. Weeds and leaves littered the area surrounding the cabin, and the trees blocked out any sunlight. It was difficult to believe it was a house that humans were meant to spend the night in. 

Gigi unpacked whilst Crystal explored the cabin. The redhead looked curiously at the radio that sat in the middle of the cabin and began to fiddle with the circular dials and the speaker, slowly stroking the rusty metal. It began to crackle before bursting alive.

_ “-a hand held against the world. To be touched and to touch; touch is a language unto itself. And it too is a language of power. Thus unto Jupiter, which is also the language of gravity. The fist which can give takes too, and gives by taking or takes by giving. Just as a word is honest or dishonest not by how it is spoken, but by she who speaks it, so is the honesty of touch-” _

In an instant, Gigi rushed across the room and switched the radio off, her throat dry. Crystal looked at her in confusion. 

“I have a headache,” Gigi lied, “Don’t really feel like listening to God right now.”

Lying may have been a sin but Gigi knew she was already too far gone.

-

It was 3 am and Gigi knew that her main concern should be keeping an eye out for the devil but all she could focus on was Crystal.

The girl was retelling a story from her hometown, her gestures exaggerated and enthusiastic but Gigi was paying no attention. All she could notice was Crystal’s hands, the way they opened up and closed as the girl talked, almost like they were trying to lure Gigi.

_ Just one touch. _

Gigi should have known Crystal would have been bad news for her from the start. Crystal was a test. A test to see how good she truly could be. The devil was the snake and Crystal was the apple. Gigi finally understood how Eve felt, the temptation to give into her innate desires, and just  _ take a bite  _ almost too much to bear. 

She snapped the elastic band against her wrist.

Crystal’s hair was a fiery red and that should have been enough of a warning. Red was the colour of the devil, the colour of sin, the colour of  _ lust.  _ Gigi had never liked red, the colour a painful reminder of the fact she could never be good. It was a reminder that she was the most likely to succumb to the devil. 

But somehow, when she watched Crystal talk with such glee, her red hair bouncing up and down as she spoke, Gigi began to think that maybe red wasn’t so bad after all. 

It wasn’t till Crystal took out a half-drunk and sticky bottle from her bag that Gigi realised how much of a hold the girl had on her.

“I snuck this past the Captain,” Crystal explained, a grin on her face, “I thought it would make this night more interesting.”

Despite her reluctance, Gigi took a swig from the mysterious alcoholic substance, desperately wanting to please Crystal. The drink smelt like paint thinner, sugar, and artificial flavouring, causing Gigi to choke. She was sure that drinking it would shave years off her life. 

The two girls drank until they got drunk, bored, and filled to the brim with bad ideas. The alcohol was almost enough for Gigi to forget that the devil was looming over them, the slight buzz causing her to calm down and giggle happily. 

Crystal suggested they play seven minutes in heaven despite the fact there were only two of them. Gigi froze, the feeling of the devil nipping at her heels returning. Crystal’s eyes were gleaming and Gigi felt a lump form in her throat. Crystal’s gaze was dangerous and inviting. It reminded Gigi of the cookie jar at the top of the cupboard back at home she was forbidden from touching. 

Gigi agreed before she could even process what she was saying. 

She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol coursing through her veins or the fear of the devil, but Gigi was fed up with being good. 

-

The closet was extremely cramped and dark. Gigi couldn’t see a thing and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. She could feel Crystal’s hands brushing against her arm and she shivered.

“Don’t worry. I’m here.” Crystal reassured in a soft tone, and Gigi could hear the smile in her voice. 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Gigi replied, a nervous giggle escaping her throat, “Well...I can’t really  _ see  _ see you because it’s so dark in here but you know what I mea-”

Gigi was interrupted by the feeling of Crystal’s lips on her own. She smelt and tasted like strawberries because that was the flavour of her chapstick. Her lips were soft and she kissed her with the tenderness of a prayer. 

For something so bad it felt so nice. 

When Crystal pulled away from the kiss, Gigi trembled and felt herself choke out, “It’s not real if we don’t say it out loud...right?”

She could feel Crystal’s hands reach out for her own, a gesture of reassurance and love, “That’s right...No one can prove it.”

“No one but us,” Gigi whispered as she took Crystal’s hands in her own. 

The redhead chuckled lowly and squeezed Gigi’s hands tightly, “It’s your word against mine...As long as neither of us say it…it never happened.”

Gigi’s bottom lip trembled, “And neither of us are that stupid.”

“Of course not,” Crystal replied, “We both know better.”

They both stared at each other, despite the darkness making it impossible to see one another. Gigi felt the tears form in her eyes, threatening to fall down, “I-I’m sorry…”

Crystal let out a shaky breath, a departure from the normally cheerful energy she gave off, “Don’t be...There are worse things than saying it out loud, you know?”

“You mean like... _ this feels so right?”  _ The blonde whispered. 

Crystal’s grasp tightened on her hand once again, “Yep...and... _ I’m just so happy.” _

Gigi let out a choked laugh, “Y-yeah…”

Their hands wandered like entities of their own, pulling each other closer and closer until they were no longer Gigi and Crystal, but were one being together, too scared to let go. 

The redhead sighed, “Exactly...What are you thinking saying things like that?”

“I’m not!” Gigi protested, the hairs on her neck standing up, “I’m not saying anything...They are just things that could have been said about anyone...They’re just in the air…”

The tears began to fall down her cheeks as she continued, “ _ You mean so much to me.... _ Anyone could have said that about anyone...Not that I’m saying it.”

The truth was Gigi didn't know what she wanted. Her heart and her brain were in a stalemate. Her whole life she had her parents, the pastor, God telling her what to do, how to act. She couldn’t hear them anymore and she was lost. 

Crystal nodded before realising that Gigi wouldn’t be able to see it. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against Gigi’s. She inhaled deeply, “You get it...All you have to do is not say it out loud. I-it’s like a spell...and you can be as obvious as you want with anything else...you...you can wait it out forever, as long as you don’t say it.”

“How do you know that Crystal?” Gigi cried out, no longer trying to hide her tears, “N-no matter how hard I try, everyone will know...everyone will know the  _ real  _ me...I don’t need to say anything for everyone to know...It’s like a hand in the air, holding tight.”

A lump formed in Gigi’s throat. 

Crystal placed a finger in front of Gigi’s lips and shushed her. As Gigi went silent, Crystal began to wipe away her tears, “It’s going to be okay because I said so...stop talking...I’m drunk, you’re drunk. We can’t see anything and we won’t say anything. Nothing is happening,” Crystal took a deep breath, “Either way...your hands...are nice.”

Her voice was sweet and kind. Kinder then the pastor or her parents, or the spiteful gossiping of her peers. When Gigi was told about the  _ bad  _ girls like Crystal she expected them to sound manipulative, devious, and cruel.

Crystal just sounded like she was about to cry. 

Gigi swallowed the lump and smiled weakly, “You’re right...this is nothing…”

Her cheeks flushed and she could feel her heart pulling and bursting inside her chest. She took a second to stroke Crystal’s cheek before leaning in and kissing her again. There was a warmth in her chest and for the first time in her life, Gigi felt like she was being honest to herself, honest to the world. 

She was happy. 

-

The thing about happiness is that, just like every other emotion, it is fleeting and can easily be destroyed.

When the sirens began to go off, Gigi couldn’t even pretend to be surprised. She failed her test and now the devil was here. Crystal looked around in panic as the sirens screeched around the camp, but Gigi remained calm. After all, this is what happened to bad girls like her. 

The radio burst alive once again, the words of God echoing out in crystal clear clarity,  _ “-each of you shall choose. It is certain. It is absolutely certain that the devil is already here. Parables 1:1. The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of God. The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil.” _

Gigi twisted the dial on the radio and God’s voice was drowned out by white noise. She already knew, she didn’t need God to remind her. There was no room in the world for people like her. She snapped the elastic band against her wrist and thought of the girls in her cheer team. She thought of the girls in her classes. She thought of freshly cut grass and Jaida, the sun in her smile. She thought of the girl at the party, stars in her eyes. Finally, she thought of Crystal. She thought of her kind smile. She thought of her red hair. She thought about the feeling of her lips and how it was the only time she had ever felt  _ right. _

With one final snap, the elastic band broke. 

The cabin creaked under her footsteps, almost like someone was squeezing it gently to see how much it could take before it broke. The air felt heavy like invisible hands were touching all over her face and arms. Crystal tried to reach out an arm towards Gigi, her eyes full of fear but Gigi swatted her away. 

“Don’t touch me.” She said, accompanied by the terrible sound of splitting and tearing wood. Crystal tried again, desperately trying to console her, but Gigi couldn’t hear anything, not in the storm of hands. 

“You shouldn’t touch me…” Gigi whispered, feeling it stir deep inside of her. Her skin was itching and burning, and her lungs felt like they would burst right out of her chest. Her heart was beating faster and faster. 

She had spent so long acting and pretending to be good. She fought and buried and suppressed but the truth was she could never be that girl. Gigi knew deep down that she won’t be okay, she’ll never be okay because she has the devil inside of her. She  _ is  _ the devil. 

“I wasn’t born good,” She admits to Crystal and almost laughs because it is the first time she has ever said it out loud, “But...I thought I could be.”

Gigi could feel the storm brewing inside of her, “I was always told that heaven was based on merit...As long as you do good things, maybe one day you can also be good...but...I think God knows that my heart isn’t really in it.”

Crystal reaches out to her, wrapping her arms around the girl. She can feel Crystal squeezing her tightly, the tears falling from her eyes, and oh lord, Gigi just wants...she wants…

Gigi pushes her away with such force that Crystal falls onto the ground. 

A hand can be cruel and kind after all. 

“I want to touch,” She says with thunder in her voice, “I want to be touched...I want to hurt and I want to be hurt...and if you feel the same way as me, Crystal...then you’re just as bad as me.”

In a flash, Gigi began to change. The humidity was thick with hands. The devil came in a heat, sticking to your skin and seeping in your pores and Gigi had let him in. 

Gigi was no longer herself, but an ancient storm bigger than Earth that had been blowing since before she was born. She was a storm that could consume everyone you knew, everywhere you had ever been, and the site of every thought and feeling humans have ever had. She reached out to Crystal. 

She was made of hands now,  _ her hands.  _ The hands ran through her hair and caressed her skin. She had a hand for every kind of touch. That hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, and that hand is for holding. 

She let her body twist and change and morph like a twisted second puberty. For a fleeting moment, she can be whatever she wants, whatever she was told she could never, ever want. For the first time in her life she can be free, even if it is only for a little bit of time. The devil only gets one chance after all. She reaches her many hands out to Crystal, offering, imploring. 

Crystal avoids the hands and runs to grab her radio, preparing to perform an exorcism. Gigi doesn’t bother to fight back, simply swaying backwards and forwards in the storm of herself. 

Crystal’s radio crackled and bubbled and foamed at its sharpest edge, releasing a flood against Gigi, the waves washing over her. She sighed and fell. 

She is reborn in a thunderstorm. 

**Author's Note:**

> so uh this is a weird one huh??? this fic is actually v personal to me bcs it is based off one of my favourite games of all time, we know the devil, and also it is a bit of a vent fic??? i dunno if thats the right word but it was mainly me digging deep with my own experiences growing up as lesbian suffering with catholic guilt. 
> 
> i hope u guys enjoyed especially since its v different to my other stuff!!!! pls comment if u liked!!!
> 
> i also wanna apologise this isnt an update for lets fall in love (again). the next chapter of the fic is gonna be p big i think??? and also im going to see family so its gonna be difficult to update, if i can update at all lol. i thought i would write this fic to make up for it!!! so if u enjoyed pls let me know!!!!!!
> 
> catch yall on the flipside


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